Jean Havoc: The Failed Matchmaker
by Fading wind
Summary: It's Edward's 18th birthday and Havoc's being the matchmaker. AU [RoyEd hints]


Title: Jean Havoc: The Failed Matchmaker  
Genre: Romance/Humour  
Pairing: Hinted Roy x Ed  
Summary: It's Edward's 18th birthday and Havoc's being the matchmaker. AU.  
Warnings: Hints of shounen-ai/yaoi, in this case Roy x Ed.  
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. Honestly.

**Jean Havoc: The Failed Matchmaker**

It was a big day. Edward Elric, the famous Fullmetal Alchemist, was celebrating his eighteenth birthday.

"I've got a surprise for you, boss," Lieutenant Havoc announced, winking merrily at the birthday boy.

"What is it?" Edward asked.

"If I told you, then it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?" Havoc smiled. "Just come along with me to the bar."

"The bar?" The elder Elric was suspicious. "Why the bar? You're not trying to do anything bad to me, are you?"

"No, don't worry," Havoc assured. "I'm sure you'll like it. Have you ever been to a bar before?"

"No..." the younger blond answered truthfully. "I suppose I could go with you, just once, since it _is _my birthday after all..."

"Yeah, just come with me." Havoc grabbed the young man's flesh arm and dragged him away.

---

They sat down and Havoc ordered drinks for both of them. Edward inspected the glass with a frown and didn't touch it in the end. Havoc, however, downed his glass in one go and got another one almost immediately.

The honey-coloured eyes scanned the pub carefully. "I don't like this place," the alchemist complained.

"Oh, I love this place," Havoc said cheerfully. "Wait, here she comes."

Edward looked up and saw a young blonde approaching them. She looked only a few years older than him. Thinking that Havoc was going to flirt with the girl, he rolled his eyes. But to his utmost surprise, Havoc waved at him and said to the girl, "Hi, Judy. This is Edward."

The girl looked at Edward shyly. "Um... Hi... Are you really the Fullmetal Alchemist?"

"Er... Yeah," Edward replied reluctantly, colours rising to his cheeks. He turned to Havoc and hissed, "What are you trying to do?"

Havoc shrugged. "I just wanted to get you a girlfriend. You're eighteen years old already, and you still haven't had one."

Edward's fingers curled into fists. "I don't need your help as a matchmaker, Havoc!" he half-shrieked, and half of the pub twisted their heads to look at him. Havoc apologized to the annoyed crowd hastily.

"Lower your voice, boss," he warned.

"Well, I just want you to know one thing: I've_ already_ got someone! Get that into your dense mind and don't do such a stupid thing again!" And with that, Edward stormed off angrily. Havoc was alarmed. He turned to Judy.

"Sorry about that..." he said, scratching his head awkwardly.

"What am I supposed to do now?" the girl asked, furious.

"I don't know... Maybe... We could talk?" Havoc tried.

"Talk? With you? You're like 20 years older than me! And you smoke too. Why the heck do I have to talk to you?" The girl, too, departed in a huff without another word, leaving a crestfallen Havoc behind.

---

The next day, at the office, the Colonel said to Havoc, "Come here, I need to talk to you." He looked very serious. Havoc wondered what had happened and walked over.

"Yes, chief?" he queried.

"Tell me, what have you been doing to Fullmetal?" the dark-haired man inquired.

Havoc paled. He had never imagined that Edward would tell Roy about the incident which took place the previous day. Edward would be too embarrassed to tell anyone, he had assumed, and anyway, he and the Colonel had never got along well with each other. Of all the people in the office, Hawkeye was probably the only person Edward could tell such a thing to. But somehow, Havoc was glad that it _wasn't _her. Images of Hawkeye aiming a gun at him was not at all pleasant. On the other hand... Havoc pictured the alchemical array sewn onto the Flame Alchemist's gloves, and sweat-dropped.

"I took him to a bar... And I introduced him to this girl called Judy..." Havoc confessed.

"Judy?" The infamous womanizer raised a slender black eyebrow, appearing to be slightly interested.

"Yes, Judy. She's just the average blonde," the other man replied.

"Ah. And I guess you tried to matchmake her with Edward or something? Not a wise deed, Havoc, my friend," the Colonel said, an amused half-smile on his face.

"Yeah," Havoc mumbled. "And he said he already had a girlfriend."

"Really?" Something unrecognizable flashed across Roy's eyes briefly.

At that moment, there came a knock on the door, and it was flung open to reveal a young blond in a red coat. The blond's eyes fell first on Roy, then on the man chewing on his unlit cigarette standing in front of Roy's desk, and his first impulse was the turn and run straight away, which was what he attempted to do.

"Fullmetal!" the Colonel called in a commanding tone. "Don't go yet."

Edward stopped in his tracks and swung round to face his superior officer, his long coat swirling behind him. "Yes, Colonel?" he said, managing a weak grin.

"I hear you've got a girlfriend."

The effect was instantaneous. The young man's cheeks blossomed into a thousand different red shades. "Who told you that?"

"My most trustworthy subordinate here," the Colonel gestured to the nervous man by his side with a flourish. "Havoc?"

"You said so yesterday," the older blond muttered in response.

"Did I?" The golden orbs narrowed. "I don't recall ever saying that."

"But--"

Havoc was cut off by Roy's gentle chiding: "Perhaps you misunderstood his meaning. Do you remember his exact words?"

As Havoc put his brains to use and started to recollect the dialog with the birthday boy more clearly, he realized with horror that Roy was perhaps right indeed.

_"I've already got **someone**!"_

He glanced at the two, his blue eyes darting around the room frantically. Edward had lost his blush, and both alchemists were smirking dangerously at him. It was almost uncanny.

And Havoc turned and fled.

**The End**

**A/N: **I felt the need to write more humour. And so I did. Also, I felt that Havoc didn't have enough attention paid to him in my RoyEd fics, so I tried to include him more. This turned out quite well, actually. :D Please read & review!


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